I’ve been spending endless amount of time with you and its slowly getting to me. I’m falling for you and I’m scarred because you’re the first time that would be good for me.

I’m going to keep trying until you tell me to stop. Until then I still have hope. Until then I’m hoof to keep trying to show you I’m a different person and worth the chance.

It started with bowling and then we headed back to your place where we began to kiss and your hands began to move over my body ever so slowly moving my shirt up and moving closer to my chest. My body screamed yes as my heart screamed no and my mind began to flash pictures of Him. You may not have noticed my internal struggle but it was raging inside me. I wanted you but He was keeping me from letting you have me. I tried to push through it. I even let you take off my shirt but the struggle only became worse and He was winning. As you slowly began to move your hands toward my pants I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I hate Him for being in my mind and for letting Him have so much control over me. He doesn’t deserve it. I hate Him for the fact that after all the shit he’s put me through I still feel connected to Him. You for sure don’t deserve me to be thinking of Him while being with you.